The Introvert Entrepreneur, with Beth Buelow – Episode 116 of The Action Catalyst Podcast

Coach, facilitator, and mediator Beth Buelow gets into the mechanics of energy drain and gain, the “Friday night test”, and the definition of what exactly is an ambivert?

About Beth:

Beth L. Buelow, PCC, is a Professional Certified Coach, author, speaker, mediator, and facilitator with more than a decade of coaching and consulting experience. Prior to starting her own business, she was a nonprofit professional, with roles ranging from fundraising to marketing to grant-making. It was in her role as a foundation Program Officer that she fully recognized the importance of collaborative models and the power of the coaching paradigm. She draws on a range of frameworks in her coaching and facilitation work, including mediation and conflict management, voice dialog, appreciative inquiry, narrative coaching, non-violent communication, improv, and the work of Parker Palmer, Edgar Schein, and other personal growth leaders.

Her podcast, “How Can I Say This…“, launched in September 2018 and reaches an international audience of listeners in more than 65 countries.

Since 2010, she’s been best known as The Introvert Entrepreneur, with a book, podcast, and Facebook community of the same name.

Beth’s formal education was in music performance (here’s a short “Alumni Spotlight” interview) and arts administration. Even though she’s not actively playing anymore, music still is part of her identity and everyday life. Her modes of self-expression include public speaking on topics she cares about; writing solid non-fiction, so-so poetry, and substandard fiction; botanical doodling and drawing mandalas; and achieving flow whenever she has a camera in her hand. She believes courageous self-expression—whether it’s speaking up and out about something you believe in, making art and sharing it with the world, or creating something out of nothing—is essential to being fully happy and fully human.

Beth is the author of The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms (Penguin Random House, Nov 2015), which was named one of the 100 Best Business Books of 2015 by Inc.com. She’s contributed to articles in The Wall Street Journal, Success Magazine, Inc, Entrepreneur, The Telegraph, Time, and Psychology Today, among others.

Beth has enjoyed sharing her message that “Success is an Inside Job!” with numerous organizations and corporations, including the MIT Media Lab, ICF Global and regional chapters, Boeing, Starbucks, Seattle University, MarketingProfs University, American Marketing Association, C3 West Michigan, Association of Financial Planners, The Rainier Club, The Bellevue Club, Peterson Sullivan, Puget Sound Business Journal, eWomenNetworking, and Ignite Seattle, along with dozens of other networking groups, service clubs, and private companies.

She is credentialed by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and serves as the 2021 President on the Board of Directors for the ICF Michigan chapter. She volunteers at Mediation & Restorative Services in her home city of Muskegon, MI. She also serves on the board of C3: West Michigan’s Inclusive Spiritual Connection, and as a mentor with the Cook Leadership Academy at Grand Valley State University.

Learn more at BethBuelow.com.

The Action Catalyst is presented by the Southwestern Family of Companies. With each episode, the podcast features some of the nation’s top thought leaders and experts, sharing meaningful tips and advice. Learn more at TheActionCatalyst.com, subscribe below or wherever you listen to podcasts, and be sure to leave a rating and review!

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(Transcribed using A.I. / May include errors):

Host
My guest today is Beth Buelow. She has a book called the Introvert Entrepreneur. She’s really involved in this, this whole area of study around introverts and specifically with entrepreneurs. And she writes for Psychology Today, she’s you know, been featured in ink and Fast Company in Forbes. And she’s just awesome. And she’s the sweetest, sweetest lady. So Beth thanks for being here.

Beth Buelow
It’s a pleasure to be here.

Host
So are you an introvert? That’s my first question.

Beth Buelow
I am absolutely I feel like I fall pretty, pretty squarely on the introvert scale. Although over the years, as I’ve taken the assessment, I inch a little bit more towards the middle, which I see as a very healthy thing. And I’d like to share a little bit more about that, because I think a lot of introvert entrepreneurs find that as they grow their businesses, they do start to inch a little towards the middle.

Host
Well, what really even is an introvert to start, I think there’s probably some, you know, misconceptions that people have about introverts. So can you kind of clearly define that term for us?

Beth Buelow
Introversion and extraversion has to do with where we gain and drain energy. And I must say I’m doing a rather simplistic definition of it just for ease of explanation and to get to kind of the root of it. So introverts gain energy through solitude and drain energy during social interaction. And while I don’t like to think of them as opposites, again, for purposes of simplicity, if you think of extroverts as the opposite, they gain energy through social interaction and drain energy, when left alone to their own devices for too long. And so we all fall on a spectrum, that all of us have introvert and extrovert energy in us, like I was saying, you know, when you asked me that question, I’m definitely an introvert. But I have cultivated and been able to learn to tap into the extrovert energy that I have within me, that allows me to be an entrepreneur, you know, to do my business to talk to people like you, it’s there, I think it’s a matter of forming a healthy relationship with it, you know, recognizing it, and learning how to pull it out. In the context of being an introvert, as opposed to trying to be a fake extrovert.

Host
What exactly is the introvert entrepreneur? And, you know, why did you start studying this and write this whole book about it?

Beth Buelow
Well, what I love about the introvert entrepreneurs that describes me and it describes who I serve, and it’s, it’s kind of an under tapped or I should say, under represented group of people who are making big strides in business, but the, the literature, the work that’s out there is not all of these something that resonates with us, because there does tend to be a message of bigger, faster, more and more and more. And you’ve got to be out networking constantly. It’s all about sales. You know, you have to be outgoing and, and all of that in order to succeed. And introverts who are drawn to entrepreneurship, feel an initial excitement, and they have that initial energy around creating their business, taking their message out into the world, you know, working with clients and customers and all of that. So there’s an initial rush, if you will, of energy that happens, then as they start to kind of you know, the honeymoons over and you start to kind of dig into to everyday life and, and getting into ways that you can make your business more sustainable, it’s sometimes challenging to find information to find affirmation, that the way that you are in the world as an introvert is number one, okay? You know, it’s, it’s perfectly normal. And number two, that it’s possible to balance your energy, your tendencies, your preferences with the need to be able to go out and sell and network and market and do all of those extroverted activities that are required. So this book and my, my mission is to fill that gap, you know, to, to reach out to the introverts who feel that entrepreneurial call and say, You can’t number one, you can do this, you know, and you can do this in such a way that you don’t burn out because you’re trying to meet the extrovert expectation that is so prevalent in all of the information out there. Here are some ways to honor who you are without selling your soul to use that kind of cliche.

Host
What do you think are some of the misconceptions that people have about introverts in general?

Beth Buelow
It goes to how they how they’re perceived in social situations. And that’s one reason why I like to separate out the definition from and say it’s about energy. It’s not about personality, people will think that introvert equals shy when I give presentations. And I ask people what word comes to mind when you hear the word introvert, it is always shy, even from people who know better, they say, you know, our minds typically default to the stereotype to the single story that we have about introverts, that they’re shy. And introverts sometimes internalize that, you know, from a young age, when a child is, you know, starting to walk and talk, parents are looking for social skills, you know, they’re looking for evidence that that child is going to be, you know, socially well adjusted. And that’s, that’s talking that’s reaching out to other kids wanting to play with them and wanting to be social. And if a child is not, if they’re already showing those introvert tendencies of needing a lot of downtime alone time, if a parent isn’t tuned into that, they can already start putting that label of, well, you know, little Beth, she’s, she’s just shy, you know, it’s okay. And then you grow up with that label, and you don’t ever really question it. And so you think that when you go to a party, or a networking event, or any other big social outing, and you’re uncomfortable, or you find it really exhausting, that it’s because you’re shy, as opposed to well, perhaps it’s about your energy. And about being an introvert, that’s interesting. You know, people will say, well, introverts Don’t you know, I’m a people person. I’m not an introvert. Well, an introvert can be a people person, it’s just that we need to have a certain ratio of alone time to people time, that allows us to reach out to people. So for me, you know, it might be I need two hours of downtime for every one hour, I’m out and socializing and interacting with people. And that can include and what’s important for the entrepreneur to understand is that includes clients and customers, it includes the time you spend on the line, I remember the day I realized that just because I’m sitting alone in my office, and I’m on the computer, maybe I’m blogging, or I’m on social media, or reading articles and commenting, it’s still noisy, there could not be a peep coming out of my computer. But you realize how noisy it is when you shut the lid on your laptop, for instance, and you walk away? And it’s like, wow, that’s like I just hit the mute button. So it’s recognizing all of those different places that you are interacting with people and understanding for yourself, what’s the balance that you need, so that you have the energy to do those things, when it’s called for it stimulation? You know, it’s just a different form of stimulation than when you’re talking with people. I mean, you know, email, and you think of how easily you can get overwhelmed. Or if you have too many tabs open on your browser. You know, that’s another way that we can create over stimulation for ourselves that if you start to become aware of it, and how much it’s draining your energy, then you can start to manage it a little better.

Host
Yeah. So do you think introverts can they be charismatic? Like, can you go so far as to say you could be charismatic and still be an introvert?

Beth Buelow
Absolutely. I think that it’s a different kind of charisma. You know, as I mentioned before, it’s not about being a fake extrovert. When I get up on stage, I don’t want to try to be charismatic Allah, Tony Robbins, or any of these other you know, high energy speakers. So charisma doesn’t necessarily have to do in my opinion, with being, you know, really high energy and really extroverted. It has to do with an inner power and inner confidence and trust, and being able to sincerely connect with other people, just like they say the best conversationalist are those who are the best listeners, not necessarily the best talkers. I think those with charisma are, it’s not necessarily somebody who’s like larger than life. It’s somebody who emanates a very powerful, positive presence that helps other people feel connected to them and feel good about themselves. And I think you know, introverts absolutely have that power at their disposal.

Host
What are the challenges there for an introvert salesperson or entrepreneur?

Beth Buelow
First, it has to do with recognizing that you can approach those processes on your own terms, that you have inherent strength, that it’s not about having the gift of gab. It’s not about being able to, you know, talk up a blue streak or any of that I remember I was Do you ever watch the show the Prophet? There was an episode when he was you know, of course, visiting a company and meeting the various staff and he met the person who was the salesman, and he said, So what makes you good at sales or, you know, what’s, what are your strengths? And he says, Well, I’m a really good talker. And as soon as I heard that I was like, and that’s gonna come into that’s going to end up in trouble later on. So introverts can have this story that it’s all about talking and what Marcus proved a little bit later in that same episode was that it wasn’t the salesman’s ability to talk that was an asset. I don’t know, I think he did eventually find an asset in that person. But he basically kind of took the reins and said, Here, let me let me demonstrate what really needs to happen here. And he asked questions, and he listened. And it’s something that I think we know, intuitive, like, Oh, of course, how do I like to be sold to? I like for somebody to listen to me to ask questions to find out what I really need, and to be honest with me if they don’t have it, and if introverts can get through this idea that it’s kind of the the cheesy car salesman, and you know, what’s it gonna take to get you into my practice today? That it’s really about listening to somebody and asking good questions. And, and being a, you know, a guide and a witness for, for what they for solving their problem. A lot of it is mindset, and then realizing that if you that you have some inherent strengths as an introvert in that, we often are really good listeners, we often do have that strong feeling of curiosity about the world about other people about their needs. And we’d like to put the spotlight on others, if you can bring those ideas into your sales process, that you’re really taking something that might have seemed like a challenge, and turning it into a strength. And to release this, this story or this idea that I have to be able to answer all of their questions so much as it’s about, I have to ask the right questions and trust that those answers are going to come out. So it can be you know, it’s such a mental, it’s such a mental game, you know, the inner game of sales is I think introverts can, if they understand that those assets are there for them, they can cultivate the other skills that they need to be successful.

Host
So you actually just wrote an article that was connected to some research that came out about introverts, extroverts, and then ambiverts. Tell us what ambivert means. And then tell tell us about this study.

Beth Buelow
Well, remember, in the beginning, I talked about introverts and extroverts all being on a spectrum. And most people lean one way or the other. But there is a group of people who fall squarely in the middle, and they’re called ambiverts. So think of ambidextrous, you’re comfortable, you know, writing with either hand ambiverts are comfortable gaining energy through social interaction or solitude. And I often think of it as a Friday night test. So think of Monday morning. So it’s Monday, and you’re already looking forward to Friday, and you say, ah, Friday, five o’clock, I can’t wait to walk into my house and do what you know. So an introvert most likely their default is going to be I can’t wait to decompress. I can’t wait to not have to answer email or not have to talk to anybody. Yeah, I have to go to something on Sunday. But that’s okay. I have the next few days to rest. And gear up for that an extrovert would be like, Oh, I can’t wait for Friday, I get to put on my you know, my my party clothes and go out to hear the band with my friends or I’m having a dinner party on Saturday night. The ambivert doesn’t necessarily have that strong default on Monday, they’re going to be like, Well, I just want to kind of want to see how things go. You know, I don’t have a default setting. You know, where I as an introvert, I don’t think you would ever find me on a Monday saying I can’t wait until go to that party on Friday night. No offense against the people who are giving the party but it’s just not what would come naturally. So ambiverts fall in that middle. And there was a researcher named Adam Grant of the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. And he looked at, he did a personality survey more than 300 salespeople, and then he tracked their sales records for three months. And interestingly enough, he started with the premise that it would not be the extroverts who outperformed the introverts, he figured that introverts would probably do better. And he was proven right. But what he also found was that people who fell in the middle outproduce them both, so those ambiverts did better than the introverts, and the introverts did do better than the extroverts, actually, let’s see, ambiverts earned 24% more sales than introverts did, and 32% more than extroverts. And what he posited was that the ambiverts can naturally engage in this really flexible dance between, you know, speaking and having enthusiasm and talking with the prospect, and then being quiet and listening and asking questions and just creating a great spaciousness around the conversation. Those were the people that were the most successful, and so they weren’t, they weren’t persuasive. They were influential, but they weren’t pressuring, you know, again, a very spacious kind of environment for that conversation. So I think introverts can take heart in that number one that you success in sales doesn’t just belong to the extroverts, and that you can cultivate some of those ambivert skills and for introverts, that means being confident and and I hesitate to use the word bold because it implies that the opposite is timid. I don’t think that we’re timid in sales conversations, but we can do kind of hold back questions or hold back thoughts? Because we want to process them or we want to save them in Newbury think, oh, I can just follow up later. And so the being bold, would be asking them right there in that moment, you know, extrovert yourself as a verb during that time in order to strike that balance that that the ambiverts have found.

Host
I think that’s fascinating. We’re running out of time best. Where do you want people to go to learn more about you? And check out the introvert entrepreneur?

Beth Buelow
Yeah, my website is home to my blog, podcast and books. So that’s the introvertentrepreneur.com. And from there, you’ll find my presence on all sorts of social media. And of course, you’ll find links to the introvert entrepreneur, the book.

Host
So if somebody is out there, just the last little thing who’s listening in and maybe they’ve they’ve never, they’ve always written off the idea of having their own business, or they’ve always written off the idea of being in sales. What advice would you give to that person?

Beth Buelow
To challenge your assumptions and your stories, you know, which requires first of course, being able to look at them and identify them. And for introverts, that story is often I’m not a good networker, I’m not good at sales. I don’t have the energy to sustain a business, challenge all of those things and, you know, find resources like my book like other there’s several other great authors who’ve written about introversion, then of course, entrepreneurship, but, you know, seek out resources seek out support and and learn how to, you know, embrace your introversion so that you can work with it instead of against it.

Host
Awesome. Well, thanks for encouraging us and inspiring us and helping us to challenge some of those beliefs.

Beth Buelow
I appreciate it.